During one of my keynotes, someone asked me a question that took me completely off-guard.
“Where do you get your self-confidence?”
It took me a while to come up with an answer, and I want to explore that question in this post.
First, what does it mean to be self-confident?
Let’s look at the word confidence and break it down. Do you see the word “confide” at the beginning? “Confide” means to trust. Therefore self-confidence means to put trust in oneself.
Where do I get my self-confidence to deliver presentations? The simple answer is that I have done a lot of presentations, and I have made lots of “mistakes”, but I continuously learn from them. I have been a professional speaker for over 20 years. I would have a very hard time watching the first keynote I ever delivered!
To have self-confidence, you must put yourself out there so that you have the chance to make mistakes, learn from them, and get better. As the saying goes, there are no mistakes if you learn.
How to Build Self-Confidence in 3 Steps
To build self-confidence in a particular area, follow these steps to develop the confidence you need to thrive.
Take inventory of your strengths. Einstein said that “fish are the last to know about water.” And often you’re the last to know your own strengths. I think people around you see your strengths better than you do, so ask your friends and colleagues to help you identify your strengths; send them a short note and ask, “What do you think my strengths are?” Document them, and move on to step two.
Exercise your strengths. It might be scary at first but you have to put yourself out there, make a few mistakes, and collect feedback. Use internal or external feedback to refine your strengths and develop self-confidence.
Document your results. When an All-Star NBA player like Damian Lillard starts seeing the ball go in, he can’t help but to keep shooting. The hoop looks so much wider to him when it’s going in. He has developed a rhythm and self-confidence to keep going because he’s had success before. It’s the same for you. When you see the wins and results, you can’t help but to feel you can do it again and again.
Why Self-Confidence is Not Perfectionism
A word of caution: when you gain self-confidence you will eventually strive for perfectionism, but you’ll never get there. No one can be perfect. Naturally, we want to do things perfectly or we compare ourselves to others that we think are perfect. Don’t do it. If you want to kill your self-confidence and joy, compare yourself to others.
Self-confidence is not something we’re born with--it’s something we develop. As long as you keep the Bamboo Farmer mindset when it comes to putting in the work, practicing patience, and having discipline, you will develop all of the self-confidence you need to thrive.
So keep watering.
This post is based on a podcast episode by Greg Bell.
Listen below for the full episode: